How to support a loved one
Having a support system is a crucial part of healing from domestic violence. Supporting a loved one who has or is experiencing abuse can feel challenging because you care about them and their safety immensely. However; it is imperative that you show up for your loved one gently during this difficult time. Believe it or not, how you respond to your loved one in an abusive situation can influence their decision to stay or leave.
Do not...
- Tell them to "just leave"
- Tell them "You should be happy you're not with them anymore"
- Give them an ultimatum of choosing you or their abuser
- Try to speak to the abuser yourself
- Encourage them to "work it out"
- Make them feel guilty if they plan to leave and then decide not to
- Get angry at them for telling you/not telling them sooner
- Expect them to "feel better" as soon as the relationship ends
- Assume that they feel safe enough to leave
- Make their situation about you
- Try to "fix" what they are going through
- Respect their
Do...
- Ask them, "What kind of support do you need right now?"
- Let them know that you believe them
- Offer to create a safe word or emoji to text in the event 911 would need to be called
- Encourage them to seek individual counseling
- Let them know that your support is not contingent upon whether they stay or leave
- Offer them resources and hotlines for safety
- Keep in touch with them (isolation is a common abuse tactic)
- Give them grace, they are likely worn thin already