Gender and Sexual Orientation Based Violence

A Two Part Series: Addressing IPV and Sexual Violence in the LGBTQIA Community

As LGBTQIA allies and advocates for survivors of intimate partner violence and sexual assault, we wanted to bring to our readers a two-part blog series highlighting the LGBTQIA community. At the national level, awareness about intimate partner violence has traditionally focused on heterosexual norms and relationships. As more research becomes available, society has learned that the LGBTQIA community is affected by intimate partner violence equally, if not more, than heterosexual cis-gendered couples. Intimate partner violence within the LGBTQIA community is vastly underreported, not acknowledged, or reported as something else rather than domestic violence. Due to past trauma and stigma, LGBTQIA survivors are less likely to seek help and resources regarding intimate partner violence.
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Power and Control
There are several tactics a perpetrator of abuse may use such as intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, denying/minimizing/blaming, using children, using privilege, economic abuse, and using coercion/threats (See below image for the Power and Control Wheel, provided by the National Domestic Violence Hotline). When looking at these different forms of power and control for someone of the LGBTQIA community, the use of homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia is prevalent. For example, a perpetrator of abuse may isolate the victim/survivor by saying “No one else will love you because of your sexual orientation/gender identity” or “If you leave me you will never see our children again, because of your sexual orientation/gender identity”. Additionally, in smaller communities (like ours) this can also be a form of control as the perpetrator could use neighbors and other members of the community to keep track of the victim/survivor’s movement or whereabouts.

While the tactics of power and control used by perpetrators of abuse remain comparable to those of heterosexual relationships, some additional and unique forms may be used. One such form of power and control a perpetrator may use is threatening to “out” the victim/survivor’s sexual orientation/gender identity to their workplace, family, friends, or community members (National Resource Center on Domestic Violence NCADV, 2018). Another form of power and control for someone who is transgender is when the abusive partner uses inappropriate pronouns, referring to the victim/survivor as “it” rather than their preferred pronoun (NCADV, 2018). The abusive partner may ridicule the transgender partner’s body or identity or tell the transgender partner that they are not a “real” man or woman (NCADV, 2018).

Barriers/Stigma
The LGBTQIA community faces additional barriers regarding intimate partner violence, preventing members to seek services, which include (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2020):

• Belief that intimate partner violence does not occur within this community.
• Bias towards the LGBTQIA community (homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and heterosexism).
• Belief that Domestic Violence Shelters are for females only, thus transgender people may not be eligible or allowed to stay due to their gender, genital, or legal status.

Belief that reporting the abuse will take away from progress or equality or provide evidence for the anti-LGBTQIA bias.

Support
What can you do if someone you care about is a victim/survivor of intimate partner violence (The NW Network of Bi, Trans, Lesbian, and Gay Survivors of Abuse, 2013)?

• Isolation is a common tactic used by perpetrators of abuse and by reducing the isolation the person might be experiencing can be a huge help.
  • Reach out to the person and have an open conversation with them. Don’t be afraid to “check in”. Be open with the person and be genuine about your concerns for their safety. Let the person know what they tell you is confidential.
  • Don’t shame or blame the victim/survivor.
  • Telling the victim/survivor “You just need to leave” or going on a tirade about the perpetrator is often not helpful. There may be additional barriers that you do not know about which is preventing them from leaving.
    • Instead ask “What are some ways that I can help keep you safe while you are in this relationship?” and if they express that they want to leave but are unable to, ask “What are the barriers getting in the way for you to leave safely?” or “What can I do within my power to help you leave when you need to?”
  • Listen to the person and give them your full attention.
  • You don’t have to know all the answers and you don’t have to fix it, letting them know they have a safe person to confide in is important enough.
• Work with the person to come up with a list of people who can help support them with whatever their needs are. These needs can include: a place to stay overnight, taking care of their pet, have regular phone check ins, store belongings, etc.
• For further support and ideas please feel free to contact us! We can provide different talking points, resources, and support to help you support the person you care about.

What can you do if you are a victim/survivor of intimate partner violence?

• First thing to remember, you are not to blame and you do not cause the abuse. You deserve to be treated with respect and to be happy. You are not alone and there are people out there who are willing to help you.
• Protect your privacy by calling resources from another phone whether that be a friend, neighbor, or a work phone line. Use a safe computer. If that is not possible clear browsing history and change passwords on all accounts.
• Come up with a code word with a trusted friend, family member, coworkers, or neighbors.
  • If you have a key fob with an alarm for your vehicle, letting your neighbors know if your car alarm goes off it is a sign to call the police.
• Have a safety plan in place
  • Know your partners ques for when they start to get angry, upset, or if you suspect the abuse may occur.
  • Know the safe areas and exits of your residence. If you are able, move to a room where you can either lock yourself in or move to an area where you will have the ability to escape the situation.
    • Avoid places in the house where things can be used as a weapon. For example, the kitchen would not be the best place because of knives and other potentially dangerous objects.
• Have a bag packed with essential items in case you need to leave in a moment's notice.
  • For example: clothing, hygiene items, identifying documentation, medication, money, spare phone charger, or anything else that you deem essential.
    • If you are transgender these are some additional items you may want to include in your bag: copies of identifying documents related to your gender/name, extra bottles of any hormones you are taking, prosthetics, and grooming tools.
• When the abusive partner is not around, practice leaving quickly and memorize all potential routes for you to escape if needed.
• Make a mental list and memorize all emergency contacts.
• Have a plan in place for where you will go when you leave.
• If you are in an unsafe situation, when it is safe for you to do so, please contact us and we can assist you with safety planning, support, and resources.